Saturday, November 26, 2005

blood red leaves

Daddy woke me up a few minutes ago. He's on his way home now. Dad's been trying to visit me all semester but projects, the FE, my trip to Florida, and interviews got in the way. Finally, with three weeks left, he was able to drive up and see me. To celebrate, we went to Gardski's.

Most of my 'out' meals have been at Gardski's. Its proximity to campus, the waitstaff, the atmosphere, and the food make it one of my favorite places to eat. Just about everyone that has been a major part of my stay here has had a meal with me at Gardski's. I suggested my favorite, the spinach artichoke chicken, for my dad and he really enjoyed it.

The past couple of weeks have been pretty difficult. The stress of classes and just keeping on the ball. Dealing with minor repressed issues. Figuring out what the hell it is I'm going to be doing once I finally get out of here.. if I finally get out of here. I broke down Wednesday night and cried. Anxiety and I don't get along too well. I inherited that from the old man. Seeing him, though, made it all better.

Dad brought pictures from his visit home this August for Grandfather's burial. I had been carrying around this sadness since he passed that I did not get to see him one last time. There's soo much that I wanted to tell him about me and there's soo much that I wanted to ask him. And more than anything, I wanted him to know that even though I was all the way over here, that he was always in my thoughts. And one day, I wanted him to see me walk into the house when I came home.

Grandfather looked at peace as he rested in his home awaiting burial by the dao thi. There was a great sense of relief after seeing him, even if only in photographs. As if he wanted me to know that he is proud of me, and that he will be there when I come home. And I slept a good night's sleep for the first time in a very long time.

And so my Daddy left this morning. Before he left, he gave me his standard, "Study hard. Use every moment you can do to the best you can. Stay healthy. Work hard" line. Funny how when I was growing up, it always made my stomach curl. Today, it was good to hear. I needed to hear them. I reminded him it would be the last time he'd get to say those words to me for a long time and to make them count... he smiled.

The leaves outside my window are blood red. I just noticed that. Ahh, fall.

1 comment:

dayoldfish said...

Sounds like your father is still making you paper bag vests :)