Saturday, April 10, 2004

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey....

It's that time again... more of the iHop SocialComentaries you all know and love. (re: link - scroll down to 3/16 to find the first set of commentaries).

Last week, Kracker and I carted our backpacks around SCP(StinkyColdPlace) studying at random coffee dispensing places until they closed or the sun was about to come up. For three nights we slaved away over our books, and were rewarded with local and imported humor.

Essa Messican Ting

D's down on Slide is a nice quiet place to study, minus the resident cigarette smoke cloud overhead. Big booths, soft XFMRadio playing looping songs from the early 80's. We clock a couple of hours behind us and enjoy a greasy meal. Not too long after and our room is blessed with the chipper chatter of Wednesday night drunkards fresh from the bars. They needlessly apologize for their rambunciousness and continue to bling their bling, and yak their yack. Couple of phone conversations later and they inform us that the EddieGonzalesBand will be joining them... "Joo wuddn unnastan.. essa Messican Ting". Well no I guess we wouldn't. But no big deal, D's ain't a library, bring on the party. The humor started as one of the lovely ladies who was giving directions over the phone had to compensate for the person's missing hearing aide on the other end. We endured several "noo go leeeeeef" and "and den go riiiiiii at the liiiiiieeeh" at deafining high volume. The band showed up finally. Wheeweee! Eddie has quiet the posse. They's was some big fellas. Talk about needing a table for 15 to seat 10. They were stylin with the cut-off shirts sporting pit-hair, tight jeans, and unlaced nike shoes. The band cracked a couple of funnies here and there flirting with the girls studying next to us with "Joo studying SEXology?!" and "Ooo Sociology!! Can joo reee mah mind?!" And when they left we were blessed with the parting view of tree trunks slapped with a sack of nickels.

Fo' Keeeds

The next night, at iHop, we learned that the server's job don't pay for much, specially when you got Fo' Keeeds at home that haddn't eaten in six days. And just because you's a man, don't mean you don't got keeeds at home to feed neither. Or something like that.

One of the customers also informed us that school doesn't mean anything. Studying is a waste of time. What's a test going to amount to in ten years anyway. Like for sure! Duh.. Like yeah. *blink blink*

Another one out of the blue made the comment that we shouldn't be studying at iHop if we wanted it quiet, and honestly, that was the only thing I heard come from that table. That's right, mixed gases and gas laws were that much more appealing.

My eyes, oh my eyes!!

My dear protege is part of a mulletia and has made it a hobbie to capture these preferably rare phenomena on his phone's camera. I think this night it just would have been a little to obvious were he to try to capture the latest sight. We sit towards the back by the restrooms and a lot of interesting people tend to walk by. One of them, female apparently, sported a multi-toned mullet. Another brave soul bared her deux and a quarter in a piece of creatively cut lycra that was trying unsuccessfully to hold itself together. One of the ladies that sat across from us let loose the niagra of midsection flesh atop her thighs during her meal and ungracefully gathered it up to remove herself when they were ready to leave. Another group had a young gentleman who has had one too many iHop's "basket o' fried poo". The poor guy could barely get his thighs under the table and tried his hardest to cover the fact that he couldn't button more less zip up this jeans by covering it with about 20 lbs of flesh.

I'm not making fun of these people. I was there once. I had the new-wave hair that stuck up about 7 inches from my forehead. I also hit the deuxes at one point in my life. But I also got a wash and a cut and stopped eating fried poo.

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