Sunday, March 28, 2004

Adventures in Longview.. or.. Ebola Monkeys for Everyone

We left Thursday for Longview, TX for the Regional Student Conference and got back like just now. It was fun, and I learned quite a bit about my organization (which I love very much thank you).. and the people I go to school with. I'll spare you the love story of me and my organization, and will go straight to the fun stuff: the people I go to school with.

Remember when I worked for the Froot company? I had a lab where I raised Ebola Monkeys and sent them to deserving customers... If i could send them now they'd go to....

Let's see, who to start with.. Oh how about Byron Knapsack.

Byron Knapsack was somehow hired away from us for a little bit by a blind man with a highpowered hearing aid. Knapsack decided he would join us on our educational journey and met up with us in East Texas. Knapsack is the kind of guy that puts goosebumps on your arm when you look at him. If he doesn't, then you'll eventually start squinting your eyes cause you're straining to hear him. He's a man of much weirdness. To each their own, and he's the only one with his own.. we're hoping. Knapsack offered to drive me to my meeting which was across town. Being that Longview is half the size of Lubbock, then 5 minutes from the hotel to my meeting site would have been more than sufficient. It took us 40 minutes. This was due to Sir Byron's driving style which was to take 8-10 seconds to shift from one gear to another, and to go at most 25 miles an hour in 3rd gear. No car, not even a Hyndai is worthy of such abuse. He even purposely missed the exit and drove psychotically slow through the parking lot. To the point I offered to jump out and run to the meeting site myself.. and i did.

Next, lets go with Olga and Stalin.

I have never seen such angry people in my life. Honeys, it's hard for people to understand you, so when you talk and we're being patient trying to understand, don't get angry and talk faster. It helps no one. And when the important man with the expensive piece of foam says don't squeeze, don't squeeze.. poor important man shat in his pretty armani pants.

Finally we have.. i'll call him Boxer Boy

So when you invite me in to your hotel room when all i have to say is "meet outside at 7:40" don't cross your legs so that your mr. wee wee pokes through the built in boxer hole. i have no intentions of seeing your piece of SPAM. Oh, and when the important man with the expensive piece of foam says don't tap, don't tap...

Why with the hate... it must be the pollen. The trees are hating. They started it.

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