Friday, February 13, 2004

now i remember why i didn't have a tv.

plopped infront of the tv, i picked up my ten lbs weights and started my curls while watching Oprah's 'america's most romantic men' and sat through rediculously fairytale love stories of how thoughtful men shared their affection and were rewarded for doing so. one guy summed up his feelings for his woman and said 'i don't take a breath, without taking one for her'. *sniffle*. later on, i sat through my first viewing of extreme makeovers. these men/women get nipped and tucked to become physically more attractive and to boost their self image and are absolutely gorgeous when they're done.



well i'm not exactly ugly. infact i've been told i'm quite cute. though my quote unquote group date with mr. baylor made me rethink my cuteness, i know that i'm not half bad looking. there's really nothing i'd like to change about myself except maybe a few pounds here and there. nothing that requires lasers and being put under. as for being romantic, i consider myself pretty thoughtful. i don't forget birthdays, special days, or random days. i pick up little 'presents' here and there for the person i'm with to let them know i think about them. i go out of my way to make sure the person i'm with is comfortable and content.



and yet, for some reason... i don't have anyone to be 'america's most romantic' around me. maybe i haven't found the right person yet, people tell me. i thought i found him. i subsequently lost him. and i don't even know how. so maybe he wasn't right. watching tv reminded me that there was nothing i could do to my body to look or feel better about myself. that i've been blessed with a pretty face and an ass and a set of thighs. watching tv gave me faith that there *are* romantic men out there who would give as much of themselves as i've given in the past. watching tv also reminded me that all those men are taken.



back home my friends would tell me that i was fun to be around. that i was sunshine and brightened up any room when i walked in. they tell me they see something special in me. here in lubbock, people have gone blind with cheep beer and i'm plain chubby little me. the only thing people here see in me are solution cd's, homework, or my dremel. this year there won't be a rose on my winshield with a note saying what a great friend i've been. there won't be a fancy dinner in a quiet restaurant. no one will be home when i get home to give me a hug and ask me how i've been.



it'll be okay. there's always homework or a meeting to attend or friends to talk to on the phone. there's always something to keep me away from the tv and ugly reminders.

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