Friday, September 19, 2003


people. people are selfish. they really are. aside from the very select few that i can even still call my friends, they're all selfish. everything is about them. what they want. how they feel. who they want to be around. maybe i'm old and i don't give a shit anymore about such trivial things. oh i'm selfish myself now too. i don't deny that. but when it comes to others, i still go out of my way to represent and please. but what i've learned is that it's not appreciated. it's taken for granted.

people are hurtful. because they are selfish. like i told dock the other day, i've stopped feeling. these past four months of hurt due to actions of few, i've sucksessfully become the cold hearted person i've needed to be all along. it's not about being supportive of someone who wants to do something with her life - it's about taking care of himself. it's not about trying to be helpful - naah, apparently it's about me not doing enough. so now i'm a kid running with knives who feels no pain. atleast it stop hurting.

people who i thought were my friends who can't afford to give me the time of day bother me. but i've learned to cope. they're all dead to me. it's morbid, yes, however honestly it's the best coping mechanism i've found. when you care for someone, and then you lose them - you have to come to grips with that shizznit... the best way is realizing they're dead. wow.

people aren't the same as they used to be. i had a set of friends once. they called themselves the whorde. they loved me. they cared about me. they took care of me.. i wanted to find those kinds of friends again. but they're not there. they look the same, dress the same, act the same.. but they don't feel the same. because they aren't the same. when you find a friend or friends you can't afford to lose, don't lose them. you'll never find them again.

people. you people. you know who you are. i shake my fingers at you. i do. to you other folks, peace out. to the rest of you muthafudders - get out the way.

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