Sunday, March 16, 2003

Social Comments



iHop. If anything, it’s definitely an experience that should be had on a regular basis. It takes you away from reality as you know it and transports you to a place without time where everything is done to the extreme. It’s an experience best had in the wee hours of the am. Last night, and on into this morning, I got to share this experience with my friend Michael. His company made it all the more exciting for me as it was filled with much Hieumor and great conversation. Thanks again Michael!!



China & Cheese

The first time I came to the iHop here in SCP (stinky cold place), I was fortunate enough to be enlightened as to the general emotional state of Asian people such as my self. In particular, that “Chinese folk, you can’t tell if they’re happy or mad, they’re always smiling”. Last night, our wait staff person, “Steven”, was puzzled that I requested my ‘custom’ omelets sans coagulated dairy products. I informed him that I do not eat pizza either, because of the dairy additions. He chimed back, awful proud of his useless knowledge, that pizza was infact a Chinese invention. Of course I heard: “Pizza is Chinese and therefore YOU must eat it as you are Chinese, and you WILL have cheese on your omelet.” After a short pause, I decided to let him know that I was not Chinese. He seemed even more puzzled: How can you not be, you look just like them! He asked and I told him that I was Vietnamese. He bubbled up again and said “Chow!” I guess that was better than asking if I eat dog meat. I really didn’t know what to say, so I said “Hi” back. Do people think it’s a good thing to greet a foreign-looking person with a massacred version of their formal “hello”? I don’t walk into my professors’ office draped in a bed sheet spouting off what little I know of Arabic to try to make an impression. I wonder if I should’ve just told him I was Nigerian. I think if I go to iHop enough, I could write an informative pamphlet on being Chinese.



Do you work here?

So, we’re sitting there and I ran out of salsa, $0.75 salsa at that!! (Where do they come up with two tablespoons of Pace Picante Sauce being 75 cents!!) A khaki clad lady walks up and asks us how we were and if I needed more salsa. Of course I did. But she wasn’t wearing a bib, a nametag, or the terry clothe armband the other wait staff people were wearing and Michael pointed out – does she work here? For all I know, she could be anti-Chinese-looking people and was gonna lace my expensive salsa with something horrible.



Cops flirting with staff

Cops and I don’t get along. They make me nervous, and I seem to raise their suspicions. Although if one is a cute asian wait person at iHop you’ll have your ass lovingly slapped by a local cop on his way out.



Hats

In the military it’s bad to wear your hat to the dinner table. I was never in the military but I was a military person’s kid so I got the residuals and it bugs me when people wear their hats to dinner. But *low and behold*, go to iHop and by all means wear your hat, not just any hat, but one that covers square footage past your shoulders.



Boobs and Skin that should not be seen in public

Why?! WHY do women think that they can wear some of the things that they wear?! I want to ask, excuse me, but can you not feel the draft blowing atop your butt-crack? How about the fact that your breasts are resting half nekkid atop your beer gut?! At iHop, women freely roam about with much nipplage making their showtime debut. They have no problem exposing their protruding guts and glaring ass-cracks in such a public and well lighted place. A small note to you women The Victoria’s Secret models can pull it off because their body fat percentage is ½ their shoe size, not twice their waist.



And that's all tonight for my ihop rantings. I shall write more as the eventful goodness of my spring break days unfold. Much love to you my friends, and much good juju your way. To those of you that are the source of my amusement, keep on keeping on.

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